There’s nothing like the presence of a camera to make you hyper-aware of the positions you normally use during sex. The angles and curves of your bodies. The way the light catches when you twist this way or bend the other. Suddenly it isn’t just about your perspective and your pleasure, or those of your partner—there’s a third perspective now too. The camera. The lens with its watchful, unblinking eye, drinking in the sight of things that you normally keep private. I find it deeply thrilling. It’s almost like we’re taking our tentative first steps towards a threesome. I like to imagine that the camera itself is a person. Wait, that’s not quite right: the camera itself isn’t a person, I’m actually imagining there’s someone sitting behind the lens. An eager observer who will be sent our erotic movie to watch later, as if it’s an audition tape and if we put on a good enough performance then they might come and join us for the encore.
My one request when we decided to film ourselves was to do it somewhere other than our bedroom: a hotel or rented flat, with a huge bed and plenty of space and luxury. I wanted somewhere I could focus on our bodies and faces and all the incredible things we were doing rather than getting distracted by the mundanity of our everyday lives. It’s far sexier to create art on a blank canvas than to doodle it in the margins of a to-do list, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to fully let go if I could see yesterday’s laundry piling up or that picture leaning against the wall in the corner of the bedroom because we’ve not yet got round to hanging it properly.
Andy came through spectacularly: a rented room with a giant king-sized bed, fresh white sheets, and—best of all—one wall entirely covered in mirrors! Not only would the camera bear witness to our performance, we too would get a front-row view of every single detail. Beautiful.
When she asked me to find a hotel room for our little filmmaking project, the first thing I knew we needed was white sheets. A giant bed with a huge blank expanse to serve as backdrop: all the better to see every curve of her body in each different position. That’s why I wanted mirrors too—even more angles that the camera can capture!
I love watching her, and I have to confess that the idea of filming the pair of us together appealed mostly because I wanted her...
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