Where does pleasure end and pain begin? During the build-up to my session with Steve, that was the question that occupied my mind. The one he’d left me with at the end of our email chat and the beginning of my BDSM story.
We’d begun by discussing limits, preferences, experience and all the practical things that you need to cover off with someone before you step inside a dungeon with a commitment to submit. Steve tends to play in absolute silence—or as close to silence as one can get, at any rate, when you throw in the involuntary noises that people fucking are liable to make and the frequent cracks from whips, paddles and the palm of a dominant’s hand. So we corresponded about the session before it happened: I laid out my hard limits, and Steve took careful note. So far, so much to be expected. But it was the end of our email exchange that really fired up my imagination—I’m sure that was exactly his intention. He is very skilled that way.
Steve’s final email to me began by acknowledging everything I’d said in my last, assuring me that he’d heard what my limits were and wouldn’t push me beyond them. But then he switched tack, and the change of direction took me by pleasant surprise.
“Onto more important matters,” he wrote, “for me the most important matter: pleasure. We’ve talked about your dislikes and your limits and the things you don’t want me to do, and that’s vital. Your consent is paramount, always. But now, let’s look beyond consent and towards desire. Want. Need. In your final email to me, I would like you to lay out a series of desires. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you think about when you’re touching yourself. When we originally...
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