Kissing aside, I think hand jobs are one of the most underrated sex acts. They certainly have been for me, at any rate: an ex-partner once told me that hand jobs are like making a cup of tea because “it’s nice when someone does it for you, but they’ll never do it as well as you can.” Because of this, blow jobs are my comfort zone, and it wasn’t until recently, when I met a man who had a penchant for hand jobs, that I’d ever put much time or thought into them. I often saw manual stimulation as a prelude to penetrative sex, and while I enjoyed squeezing a temptingly hard cock, I didn’t really dedicate much time to thinking about how to give a truly great hand job.
Tips on how to give a handjob
Until now… I’ve learned a lot about how to give a hand job in the last couple of years, and it’s given me a newfound love for this wonderful, playful act. I hope I can spark your own enthusiasm as I share the things I’ve learned about how to give your partner a fabulous hand shandy and the best handjob tips I’ve picked up.
Lube or no lube?
There will be some penis-owners who spit out their coffee at the very idea that this is a choice: those who prefer a wet, lubed-up hand job are often horrified at the thought of a dry one, and those who prefer the friction of the foreskin running back and forth over the head might be surprised to learn that many people don’t like that particular sensation. But selecting whether to use lube (and what kind of lube to use) is one of the key ingredients in getting a hand job that genuinely wows someone.
If you’re using lube, you probably want to try out a few different types. Water-based lubricant is usually safe to use with toys, although it does tend to dry out slightly faster than silicone and, therefore, needs more frequent re-application. If you’re planning a long hand-job session, silicone could be better for you. But silicone lube can degrade silicone toys, so if you’re using a silicone stroker to enhance your grip (see below!), then stick to water-based for now.
Whether you’re using lube or not, how and where you grip will be key to giving someone an incredible hand job.
How and where to grip
You might have heard of the ‘death grip’ hand job—a style of masturbation that people with penises are occasionally told off for using. The idea is that those who enjoy intense pressure and tightness grip their penis so hard that they become used to a sensation that’s so intense it makes it difficult for them to orgasm any other way, for instance, through penetrative sex or via a hand job given by a partner who might not have the same practised grip strength that they do. Personally, I’m not a fan of telling anyone how they should masturbate—if it works for you and makes you happy, as long as you’re not hurting yourself then I say enjoy! However, it is definitely worth talking to your partner about the type of grip they prefer before you get stuck in. Offering demonstrations and options from ‘very soft’ where you just lightly stroke their penis with your fingertips and then building to something tighter and asking for input as you go is usually the best way to do this—even if you’re used to partners who like a ‘death grip’ it’s more than possible your current one might find that too intense or painful.
As for where to grip, most people with penises tend to agree that the head is the most sensitive part, and of the head, the two key areas to focus on are the frenulum (the part on the underside of the head where the foreskin attaches) and the underside of the coronal ridge (the line at the bottom of the bell end). These two places are packed with nerve endings, and if it’s the intensity you’re looking to deliver, they will probably give you the best return for your efforts.
However, note the words like ‘tend to’ and ‘probably’—as with all sex acts, everyone is different. It may be that your partner prefers long strokes up the shaft or has a different spot that they want you to concentrate on. If someone has scar tissue, (for instance from a circumcision), then the areas of their penis that they most want to be touched could be different to what you’re used to. If in doubt, ask when looking to perfect how to give a handjob.
The beauty of hand jobs, as opposed to blow jobs, is that most people will be able to actively demonstrate what they like, because most people will have experience masturbating. If your partner is shy about showing you how they get off, you might want to get the ball rolling yourself—a kind of ‘I’ll show you mine, then you show me yours.’ Mutual masturbation is extremely fun in and of itself, and it could lead to individual solo sessions where you and your partner can show the other in detail how you like to be touched.
If they’re still a little shy about being watched, why not use gestures and touch to help them communicate what they like? Try sitting facing your partner, holding their cock in your hand, then leaning forward so you’re within kissing distance. Tell them, ‘I’m going to touch your dick. I want you to kiss me as firmly or softly as you like, and I’ll mirror your kiss in the way I touch you with my fingertips.’ From this, you will learn a lot from your partner on how to give a handjob.
Handjob tips try masturbation sheaths (and other sex toys!)
One of the great things that masturbation sheaths can provide, which the human hand cannot, is texture. There are many different types of toy on the market designed to enhance masturbation for penis owners, and once you’ve learned a bit about what your partner enjoys, you might want to consider trying one of the following…
Cock rings
Cock rings are tight, wearable rings that usually sit at the base of the penis or below the penis and balls. Some of them come with vibrators embedded, so they give an extra zing of sensation, but even a basic silicone ring can work wonders. They help to keep blood in the penis and give someone a stronger erection, which can also make them more sensitive to all types of touch.
Basic masturbation sheath
This is a textured silicone (or sometimes other squishy material) sheath that you lube up and slide over your partner’s penis. They come with a huge range of textures—bumps, suckers, ripples, deep ridges, dots and much more. These toys can be incredible particularly for teasing sensations, or for a little variety if you want to mix it up. If you are excited by the idea but want to test it out before investing, companies like Tenga offer disposable ‘egg’ masturbation sheaths (so-called because they are packaged inside a plastic egg, like Kinder surprise), which are cheaper than their main range of toys and designed for short-term use.
Masturbation sheath in a cup/holder
These are fabulous if your partner needs a firmer hand, but you struggle with grip strength. Cups like Fleshlight or Tenga AirTech are plastic holders that contain a squishy masturbation sheath inside, and come in a dazzling variety of textures and strengths. If this sounds interesting to you, check out your friendly neighbourhood sex toy website with your partner—there will be pictures and descriptions you can browse together to get a feel for what they might like.
Vibrating/swirling/powered masturbation sheaths
There are plenty of powered masturbation toys on the market, including sheaths—like the Tenga Flip – that vibrate and even ones that slowly (or rapidly!) spin around, recreating a lubed-up twisting hand job motion on the penis. These are especially good for those who might struggle with dexterity and want better techniques on how to give a handjob—if you have arthritis in your hands, for instance, but you still want to give a great hand job, they’re well worth investigating!
Positions for hand jobs
When we think about positions, we tend to focus on ones for penetrative sex, but positioning can enhance other sex acts too. Think about where you want to be when you give your partner a hand job—do you want to be lying down facing them? Try spooning/sitting behind them as in our erotic jack off film, so you get that closeness and have a great angle to hold on to their penis from behind? Maybe standing up so you can make their legs tremble as you touch them? How about standing up in front of a mirror so you can look over their shoulder (or around the side if they’re taller than you!) and look into their eyes in the mirror while you’re doing it? Or, if you’re the sort of person who likes to get up really close and personal, kneel between their legs as they sit in a chair or on a sofa (or the edge of the bed) and use both hands to tease and play with them. The benefit of this one is that you get to see up close the way they twitch and pulse in your hands when you’re getting the strokes just right…
Types of hand-job stroke
The ‘wanker’ gesture that we all know and love (OK, probably don’t love, especially if someone’s making it at us when we’ve made a mistake pulling out of a junction in the car) is just one way to stimulate someone’s penis.
Jerk—this is what I’d call a common or ‘classic’ technique, and it involves making a circle with your thumb and forefinger and allowing all your other fingers to curve around the head/shaft to follow. What you’re aiming to do, though, is provide a tight ring of resistance that you can use to gently rub up and down, brushing against those sensitive parts like the frenulum and coronal ridge. Once you have the stroke angle and grip strength right, try experimenting with different speeds to build someone up, or tease them into frustration. If someone is circumcised, you might be jerking by essentially pulling the foreskin rapidly over the head and back again. If they’re uncircumcised, you’re likely aiming to cause friction (use lube if you need!) directly where your fingers touch them.
Slide and twist—this one works best with lube and plenty of it! The aim is to give a long stroke up the shaft with a slick hand, then gently rotate your fist as you get to the head so the most sensitive parts of their dick get an extra twist at the end of the stroke itself. You might also want to twist in the opposite direction on the way down, test out different ones and ask your partner for feedback!
Infinite pull—I discovered this by accident one night, and it worked extremely well for a particular guy. Straddling his thighs, with both hands lubed up and gripping his cock, I pulled upwards from the base with tight but twisting strokes, one hand over the other. My right hand got to the top of the head and slipped off the end just as my left hand was rubbing up past the coronal ridge, then my right hand immediately moved to the bottom of the shaft to continue pulling, then my left, etc. You get the idea. And the same is possible the other way around, too—strokes which begin at the head and push downwards, mimicking the sensation of penetration but in an infinite loop.
These are just three examples; there are many more different techniques. As with any ‘how-to’ guide on sex, the goal can only ever be to provide inspiration rather than give you a manual like Ikea explaining how to assemble a cabinet. Sex is never a scripted play; it’s improvisation! Everyone enjoys different types of touch, and what works for your partner may be radically different to what works for mine, but hopefully, this guide has given you a few interesting ideas to build upon to improvise your own incredible hand jobs.