Ah, those sex noises, oos the ahhs—the yes, Yes YESSES!
Sex scenes in films and TV shows usually depict lovers in the throes of passion roaring, panting and grunting all the way to orgasm. Certainly, porn films also elevate the ooos into something mythical, but what about reality? From sneaking lovers under the cover of darkness into your parents’ house or hiding the action from roommates in a shared flat to parenthood and more, quite often, silent sex is literally the only sex you can realistically get away with.
Is the act of uninhibited roaring during sex simply the liberation of being allowed to scream out in delight?
Unless you live in a soundproof mansion, it is probably fairly rare to have the space and freedom to scream your way to orgasmic abandon.
Is noisy sex better sex?
Are we missing out on our best sex by keeping quiet?
Let’s not get into feeling too bad about the sex we’re having right away…
The appeal of the silent fuck
There can be something oh-so sexy about having to be restrained. Perhaps you’ve got flatmates, kids, elderly relatives, just a real lack of a quiet space to fuck. The thrill of having to keep your moans of delight to a minimum while getting hot and heavy, your breathing raspy and barely audible, can heighten the eroticism in itself. A hand clamped over your lips to stifle little involuntary squeals that might alert someone to what is going on… oh yes. Positions having to change to stop the headboard banging against the wall, the awkward angles, the quiet giggling… There’s something so very naughty about a potential eavesdropper knowing exactly what you’re up to.
I’m sure most of us have been there at some point in our lives, so when can we feel liberated enough to roar? And does it mean the sex is better?
When can you actually let out some sex noises?
For some, the anonymity of a hotel room can provide a safe space to get vocally primal, letting loose, abandoning your inhibitions and roaring. For some, this has the opposite effect, worry that strangers might realise that the Mr & Mrs Smith next door are having a very dirty weekend might make you doubly quiet. Or maybe you love the exhibitionism. Maybe you never feel the need to be loud.
In our erotic films, the models usually have free reign to express themselves vocally, and indeed, some can’t help it at all. Maybe you feel it pulls your real-life sex into the realms of a performance, or maybe you need the coos and oos of your partner to let you know you’re doing the right thing. It can form a seal of approval on your moves.
It is well documented that humans love to watch people having sex, it is a huge turn on and visual porn is extremely popular. But what about when we have the luxury of turning the volume up to experience a truly immersive fuck? ASMR with headphones on can be a real spine-tingler and add a deeper dimension—especially if the voice is leading your erotic play. For example, if someone is talking about what they’re doing to themselves while they masturbate, there is a switch when the sounds are that of someone consciously talking about what they are doing to them, making pleasurable noises that share what they are experiencing. A ‘show’ of sound rather than a ‘telling’ of the action. This gorgeous film of real orgasm pleasure with Luna talking us through her masturbation scene, does just that, building from seductive low chat to wild and uninhibited orgasmic release.
Why do women make sex noises?
The louder you scream, the faster we go!
There’s an e-stim product that has a sound-activated mode whereby you can control the stimulating probe with your voice, causing the electrical currents to become stronger as you moan harder. I personally find that a hugely erotic proposal. Almost like the trips to the funfair on the highest, fastest rides… the louder you scream!
What about if the sound you generate in the throes of passion is completely involuntary? A couple of people have told me that when they experience squirting, a guttural noise accompanies it that they have absolutely no control over. A deep earthy groan that comes from somewhere primal.
We often can’t help what our bodies do, especially in response to something as natural as pleasure, and because we are often made to feel like we have to suppress these outbursts or reactions, being loud in bed can make us feel ashamed.
In a study over a decade old (we need to commission some new studies!), it was claimed that noise during sex was used mainly as a ‘tactic’ for women who’d had enough of shagging to get their fella to hurry along a bit… in fact, 66% groaned to encourage a swift ending! It also showed that noise during sex wasn’t a physiological necessity or response to orgasm.
So I took a different route, thinking about grunting in sports and other physically exerting pursuits. Back in the 90s, I remember tennis fans being scandalised by Monica Seles, who grunted and roared during her Wimbledon matches. It was really unusual to hear such sound at the normally well-behaved tournament, and she was even accused of gamesmanship by the umpire in the 1992 final. I think Jimmy Conners and John McEnroe had already been grunting for a while, but a woman being so uninhibited was always going to cause a scene. To vindicate Monica, it turns out that releasing your grunts actually does have scientific backing to show that more power results in letting out that roar! In fact, 12% more. Research also suggests that grunting noises have an advantage over your opponent in terms of being distracting. So Monica et al. might have played it both ways. Now everybody grunts in sport! Research in sporty pursuits suggests that holding a grunt in during an explosive or strenuous activity actually uses up energy in the wrong place. The effort of holding back disrupts the result. Let’s assume the same must hold true of getting physical between the sheets… So maybe if we do let ourselves go and roar at the point of climax, we could assume that orgasms will be at least 12% stronger!
More than that, your uninhibited moaning sound effects might really get your partner going… they might want to up the play and encourage more of that roar!
The primal scream is the most basic and powerful of our vocalisations. Not coherent words of dirty talk or erotic whisperings of what you want to have done to you or want to do, this is all about where the basics of your body meeting and combine—brain disengaged.
When silence is the loudest roar
Soft, gentle moans can encourage your partner and let them know they’re doing something very pleasurable—but equally, we know that sometimes, if your lover is completely still and silent, that’s another signal of, whatever you do, DO NOT STOP!
“For the love of god, don’t pause to ask me if it’s good, believe me, if I’m silent, it’s GOOD!”
Involuntary sighs and whisperings can really add to the sensual aura of an erotic experience and giving yourself and your body permission to let them out can be truly liberating, but as with all things in the sexual arena, your body, your experience! There’s no ‘right way’, we just like to encourage experimentation.
Moaning sex noises in Porn
Making erotic films, Anna from Frolicme is no stranger to sex noises, and more often than not, it’s purely down to the individual model whether things get a little loud or not. Knowing that Frolicme likes to show real erotic fucking, with many films focussing on the natural pleasure of sex, I asked Anna if she ever had to encourage models to turn the volume up or down while making the scene.
“Over the years, I have found that the sexual sounds vary so much amongst individuals. There are so many factors to take into account why this is, including cultural background and individual preferences that influence how people express pleasure. What I have learnt is that there is no universal standard for how sexual noises should sound or how loud. What matters to me is that they are real and natural to the individual.
I should also say, it’s immensely personal when listening too, but to those who don’t like some people’s sex noises, and yes I do sometimes get comments about a model’s noise, we need to remember that these are not our sounds to moderate, we are all but the voyeurs listening in.
Also, the louder they are, the less they directly correlate with the level of pleasure experienced. I have found some models are naturally louder and I need to be aware of that, while others might be quieter, it’s really their own personal preferences. What matters most is genuine enjoyment. They are a natural response to sexual arousal and help to communicate and validate the pleasure given and received. ”
With some people taking their sexual cues and learning from porn, it’s important to ensure a balance and give a realistic idea of what’s ‘normal’ in terms of noisy sex. We’ve probably all learnt to suppress our natural oral emissions in consideration of our surroundings, but wouldn’t it be lovely, at least just once, to really let rip!