What is a striptease?
Many women have fantasised about being a striptease artist. Standing spotlit on a stage, the centre of attention, slowly peeling off their clothes as to a sensuous beat… Lapdancing in a private booth, turning a wealthy and powerful man into a shuddering wreck… Or more romantically, putting on a show-for-one to surprise and delight a long-term partner.
Actually doing it, though? Quite a different matter—especially the first two scenarios, which require the guts, grit and physical attributes to get a job as a stripper. The third is a more realistic proposition however, and armed with some tricks of the trade, need not be terrifying.
How do I know? Because I’ve done both. My fantasies began when I was very young, inspired by the dancing girls in old James Bond films and the music video to Motley Crue Girls Girls Girls. My opportunity came in my mid-20s when I spotted an advert for the new London School Of Striptease and became the first of their students to turn pro.
I stripped for over a decade, from grimy East End London pubs to Times Square New York penthouse parties and everywhere in between. I’ve also made a point to dance for my partners, for intimacy, fun and connection. Seducing as a stripper is about attitude, eye contact and the art of tease, not about looks, glamorous outfits or fancy moves. They help, but can’t make up for a bad attitude or inauthentic performance.
How to do a striptease?
Be yourself
The good news about putting on your own show for a lover is that there’s no need to try to mimic a stripper you’ve seen on TV, in a music video or in an actual strip club. You don’t need to play-act someone else’s version of ‘sexy’. Instead, tuning in to your own erotic spirit and expressing that is the key to knowing how to striptease.
I quickly learnt, when I started stripping, that the most captivating performances were the most authentic ones. Some dancers were naturally athletic and fast-moving; some slow and languid. Some seemed shy, and some were very bold and in-the-audience’s-faces. If I tried on stage to mimic the style of a dancer I admired, it would fall flat compared to what happened when I simply channelled my own sexual energy.
When I started teaching striptease, I found that rather than dictating choreography and moves to my choice of music, it was better to encourage my students to choose. That’s still how I teach now—supporting my student to discover and express her (or sometimes his) erotic self. Your partner wants to see YOU—not you pretending to be how you imagine ‘a stripper’ should be.
Striptease playlist – music to move to
This is the starting point for you when putting together your performance—tuning in to who you are sexually. I believe music helps immensely. What music makes you naturally feel turned on and like you want to move? It doesn’t matter what genre it is—it’s what it arouses in you that matters. How do you move to that music when you are on your own and not feeling self-conscious?
For beginners, music with a slower beat is easier to work with than a fast beat. Choose a few tracks and create a playlist on Spotify or similar.
Create the look
Then think of an outfit that makes you feel gorgeous, that would work with that music. This choice will probably feel quite natural—if you’re choosing Metallica, you’ll probably be drawn to something black and maybe kinky; if you’re choosing Kylie, something cute; if a classic like Ella Fitzgerald, maybe a long gown.
Keep clothing quite simple, and easy to get out of—no leggings or tight jeans, or tight tops or dresses that have to be pulled off over the head. A simple outfit is nice lingerie under a slinky silky dressing gown.
Next, find your natural swaying side-to-side movement to your music. Try to allow the movement to flow from your feet right up your body and through your arms. If all you do is sway, occasionally turning around and slowly removing your clothes as a starting point, that’s great—with one crucial addition: eye contact.
The eyes have it
Eye contact is the most important element of a striptease for a partner or audience. It can be fleeting but regular if you’re shy, or more sustained. Combine it with frequent smiles, and it says to your partner, “I’m here, I know you’re watching, I’m enjoying doing this and am sure you’ll enjoy it too.” This presence creates intimacy and is the power of an in-person striptease.
Other top tips: slow down! Particularly if you’re nervous, the chances are you’ll rush. Remember, it’s strip TEASE and make your partner wait. Sway. Stroke your body, stroke your hair, pause and smile. Don’t try to be a blur of movement all the time.
When you are taking an item off, stop moving the rest of your body. You want the eyes of your partner drawn to what you are doing: the pulling-down of a zip, the dropping of a strap over a shoulder, the easing-down of panties over your hips… Turn your body so they can see clearly. Once an item is off, resume your swaying and stroking.
You can be cheeky—throwing your clothing to your partner, playing nipple peekaboo with your hands over your breasts. You can be dominant—getting up close and standing over them while forbidding them to touch. You can be coy—keeping a distance, keeping your legs closed… Whatever feels most natural to you and suits your music.
For lighting, you’ll likely be most confident in low lighting, but make sure there is enough to see by. Candles are NOT recommended, in case of clothing landing on them. Not the ‘hot performance’ you had in mind!
Striptease moment – no partner required
You may have assumed you ‘have’ to have someone to dance for to enjoy striptease. But through my years of teaching, I’ve often heard from partnered people “I have an even better time practising on my own than dancing for my partner,” and “I do the dance moves when I’m alone—in the shower, in the kitchen, in the bedroom when my partner’s not there…”
I’ve taught women who have delayed telling their partner, let alone showing them. They find they are treasuring the feeling of a new sexual energy within themselves that they don’t have to share, feel any pressure around, or fear any judgement over.
You can dance the moves solo anytime, anywhere you are alone, but if you feel comfortable, try stripping in front of a mirror. If you’ve never undressed sexily to your own reflection, you may not realise how powerful and beautiful the sight is. And if you’re keen to practice the finer skills, seeing how it looks as you do it really helps.
Enjoy yourself
The most important overall tip to knowing how to striptease is to try to enjoy your performance. If you are enjoying yourself, any lucky person watching will enjoy it too, even if it’s not ‘perfect’.
When to plan your striptease?
If you plan to surprise your partner with a dance and it’s out of character for you, I strongly recommend giving them a heads-up. Let them know you’ve planned something special and that you’re a little nervous. Let them know all they need to do is sit back and enjoy what happens. Otherwise, caught by surprise, they may feel confused and pressured—what should they do, where should they look, what’s going to be expected of them? This nervousness can manifest as a stupid joke that kills the mood or a comment that feels hurtful, such as “What on earth do you think you’re doing?” I’ve found among students that a heads-up and some vulnerability about shyness help avoid this.
Stripping is a wonderful gift to your partner, but even more so, it’s a gift for you. It will make you feel powerful, in conscious control of your sexual energy, and tuned in to your erotic self. As my student Petra, 46, put it: “I learned how to radiate my sensual erotic presence in the field around me with conscious intention, to radiate it out from me… I felt a deeper connection with myself as an erotic being.”
Your first performance doesn’t need to be ‘perfect’ or clever. Music which feels good, simple clothing, eye contact and a smile as you slowly undress is all you need. If you and your lover enjoy it, it’s sure to be the first performance of many.
For more on Ruth’s striptease lessons, click her website link here or in her bio and quote FrolicMe for a 10% discount.