It feels like everyone, and their grandma is into sexual choking these days. Even though this BDSM kink is anything but entry-level, it feels more accessible to because it does not require fancy tools, bits, or bobs in order to participate. You already have everything on your body you need to engage in this kind of play.
Despite this assumed accessibility, sexual choking is actually not as light and innocuous as it may seem since making its way into the zeitgeist. Making a choke “less intense” is not as simple as varying the pressure of your fingers on the neck. In fact, you are making a mistake by using your fingers to squeeze the neck altogether.
If choking is already something you play with, what aspects draw you in most? Is it the physical aspect of a hand around your neck, the feeling of control, the sensation from the restriction of oxygen to your brain, or is it simply because it feels naughty?
Before you can identify if you like one of the more extreme or advanced types of sexual choking, I strongly advise you to try fantasy chokes to know the difference. Yes, even if you are the person receiving sexual choking, you too, need to learn how this is implemented, as too many individuals are choking away with techniques that are quite dangerous. This way, you can identify what is correct or unsafe instead of trusting it by feeling. It also gives a great opportunity to teach your person what you like since it doesn’t matter why someone is drawn to administering the choke. It is driven by the person receiving!
Anatomy:
The neck is a very sensitive place on the body. Cover your own neck with your hand without adding any pressure or squeezing, and that already feels invasive on its own. When you’re implementing this on someone else, it may not feel like much, but less is more when it comes to this area. The centre of the throat is where the windpipe runs and is an area that should be avoided at all costs. Not only can you damage a person’s trachea, but it is also severely uncomfortable.
The carotid arteries run along both sides of the neck and are what deliver oxygen from the lungs into the brain. This is often what people are aiming for with sexual choking play; however, the execution can still be dangerous. It is not as simple as pressing your fingers to cut off the carotid arteries temporarily. Firstly, your fingers are too small to cover the amount of area to do this effectively. Most importantly, the amount of pressure you’d need to provide with your pinpointed fingertips can create bruising, internal damage, and be incredibly uncomfortable. While using your fingers can affect the function of the carotid arteries, it is simply not worth the risk it provides when there are much safer ways of doing so.
Sexual choking categories: Breath, Blood, and Fantasy
Due to a lack of specificity surrounding the act of choking for pleasure, LT Hawk and I have developed a set of language to help all parties communicate their needs best. This categorises chokes into three different types: breath chokes, blood chokes, and fantasy chokes.
The issue with basing choking off of what we see in the media, movies, and even porn, is that all levels of intensity may look the same. What may look like a blood choke is actually a fantasy choke.
To better understand how these relate, we can look at the flow of oxygen throughout the body. Air is taken in through the lungs either via the nasal passages or throat and then travels to the brain via the carotid arteries. A blood choke restricts that second oxygen journey from the lungs to the brain, so you are able to breathe into your lungs but not into your brain, whereas a breath choke cuts off oxygen a step prior.
Breath Chokes: This type of choke involves the restriction of oxygen into the lungs. A breath choke is the most advanced and dangerous choke as there is less of a safety valve. Passing out with this choke can have serious consequences. If you choose to play with breath, start very, very slow using a time on, time off method. 5 seconds on, then off. You can choose to build on this if the person receiving desires. Is it advised that you do not engage the neck to restrict the breath, but instead block the air passageways like the nose, mouth, or both.
Blood Chokes: This choke is often confused with breath chokes when it is the buzzy head sensation people are after. Instead of restricting oxygen via the lung, this choke does so by restricting oxygen to the brain via blood flow (aka the carotid arteries.) There is a built-in safety mechanism for the brain to pass out. This, by no means, should be used as a goal, but it is helpful to understand how to mitigate it. As soon as someone passes out from a lack of oxygen to the brain, you should release the pressure or restriction and slowly guide their head to the ground. Gently lay the person down on their back, prop their legs up 90 degrees and slowly move their feet back and forth to encourage blood flow back to their brain. Whenever someone passes out from a choke, you should cease play and move into aftercare. Even though when you think of choking, you think “hands around the throat,” if you’re looking to engage in blood chokes, the best and safest way to do so is by using the fleshier parts of your body like a thigh or arm.
Fantasy Chokes: This choke does not apply any restriction to breath or blood flow and is more about the sensation around the neck and the feeling of control. 90% of the time, this is what individuals interested in choking are looking for.
How to start with a fantasy choke:
For a tried and true method, make an L shape with your index finger and thumb and place each finger underneath either side of the jawbone. Practice on yourself before you administer to a partner. You can use the webbing between the two fingers to rest on the chin to make sure your distance is okay. If you press upwards, you should be pressing into the jawbone. Then you can choose to lay your hand on their neck without pushing inwards or down while your fingers stay put. This part is just for show! Your hand on their delicate neck will feel invasive enough. This gives a close, intimate feeling of control without restriction. Make sure you are in a position where you are not in danger of falling onto their neck, thus putting pressure on the windpipe. If they are laying down on their back, a quick way to ensure you are in an optimal position is to align your head above—or north—of theirs. This way, if you lose balance, you will fall forward and not into them.
Sexual choking safety tips:
Outside of anatomical safety, never engage in breath or blood chokes alone or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, as both of these put you at much higher risk. In choking and wrestling play, we use non-verbal safe words like tapping multiple times on the body, using a squeaky toy, or dropping a loud, heavy object. These are used differently than classic safe words in BDSM as these are used early and often to signify when to release a choke or reset. This also benefits both parties by practising your nonverbal ‘nos’ and responding to them multiple times. Passing out may not be your goal in blood chokes, but if you’re going to engage in this, you need to know what to do in the event it occurs.
When sexual choking, remember, don’t be a hero:
No matter the type of choke you are engaging, it is important that the person receiving the choke does this to the point that it is pleasurable for them, not just what they are able to tolerate.
All of this may sound like a lot when you’re just looking to have a little sexy time with your partner or bring some spice to the bedroom. If you want to keep your risk low and your fun high, stick with fantasy chokes. If you want to up the intensity or explore more dangerous restrictions, then you’ll have to learn and practice all the safety that comes along with taking on more risk. Whatever you do, whatever your journey, I hope you learn a lot about yourself and others and discover something new along the way.