My fingers were trembling as I pressed the keys on my phone to make the call.
“I’ve parked up as you said, Mistress.”
“Very good, Eve. When you leave the car park, follow the alleyway to the left. The first gate on the right is mine. Go through there. The back door is open.”
“Yes, Mistress”
I did as I was instructed and, two minutes later, was standing in the presence of the dominatrix. She was warm and friendly and invited me to sit down as she made a cup of tea. Then we had an initial getting-to-know-you chat before going upstairs to the dungeon.
So what brought me to this terraced house, full of kinky play equipment, just over an hour’s drive from where I live? I think I make an unlikely femsub. My career over a decade and a half on the BDSM scene has been as a dominant, one with a reputation as a hard player, if not a sadist. There were some who were afraid of me. But for those who were not, I was a dominant who gave myself wholly to my submissive in play. I set high standards for my subs but higher standards for myself. Where scenes didn’t work well, I could spend many hours reflecting and trying to learn how to be a better dominant in the future.
I particularly loved those moments of tenderness after a good scene when I wrapped my trembling submissive in a blanket, hugged him close, and whispered words of comfort in his ear as he cried cathartic tears. He was probably only faintly aware of what I was saying. He was far away in that blissful state we kinksters call subspace, taken there by the endorphins released by the strokes of my cane or my strap, the clamps I attached to his nipples and other torments my sadistic imagination had invented.
Gradually, I came to realise that, much as I enjoyed being a dominant, subspace was something I wanted to experience. So I searched online for a pro domme, which I thought could give me what I needed. I found the lady I now visit, read her website, typed out an introductory email, and, after a few days of hesitation, pressed send. This was during the third lockdown. She replied quickly. We exchanged a few emails before she asked me to phone her so that she could get a better feel for me from a conversation. It was on a sunny day in May that I drove along the motorway to the small town where she is based, parked up as instructed and made that call.
In the dungeon, Mistress ordered me to strip, fold my clothes neatly, and kneel as I waited for her to return. It was all so familiar and yet so strange to be the submissive. When my pro domme walked in, I was nervous but ready. I loved every minute of the session. I have been back several times, and we have done many different things together. There has been corporal punishment, rope bondage, role plays, water sports, and most recently, the burning of my bush with a lighted cigarette before I was taken up the bottom with a strap-on dildo as I lay helpless with my feet in gynaecological stirrups.
The play has been fun, and my Mistress is creative and clever, often taking the session in unexpected directions. Keeping the submissive guessing is a significant part of getting inside her head, providing the triggers that deepen her submission. I know this game so well from the other side. I like to think I can see inside her head, but I can’t. Mistress is smart; she is always a step ahead, and that is how it should be. Most of all, I trust her. I bare my soul to her, knowing that she will use all I tell her to devise new torments and humiliations but knowing that my pro domme will never abuse my trust.
Subspace didn’t come the first time, and I wasn’t expecting it to but recently I experienced deep subspace and cried tears of joy. Subspace is hard to describe in words, but imagine a feeling of being intensely in the moment, where emotions and sensations become one, where pain becomes pleasure, where the self-giving of submission becomes its own reward. A month on, I can still feel the joy.
Submission is joyful for me. Maybe it can be joyful for you? Are you thinking this is an itch you too would like to scratch? How should you go about it?
To find your pro domme, take time to do some research. All of them have professionally produced websites with a lot of information. Read the site carefully before making contact. The lady may well then ask to speak to you to find out a bit more about you before deciding whether to see you and booking the appointment. Attention to detail is a mark of any good dominatrix and careful vetting of potential clients helps to ensure that you will be a good fit when you finally meet and that you will have a mutually satisfying session.
Every pro domme I know loves seeing women. Most don’t get to play with women professionally very often and value it all the more when they do get the opportunity. As one said to me, “Women are every kind of lovely, and I get a real buzz from sessions with them. It’s not just about the different feel of the play and the vibe, it’s also that women are so much better at getting the basics right. If I say, ‘read my website carefully and don’t ask questions that are answered there,’ women will do that. I think that many men get sidetracked fantasising over pictures of ladies in fetish clothing and fail to do the reading. Women are also better at open and honest communication. And communication is key.”
Communication is perhaps the single most important thing in any BDSM interaction. Your initial contact will generally be by email. Introduce yourself, and say what activities you enjoy and are looking to explore. Tell the lady what your limits are, that is to say the things you do not want to do (hard limits) and things you can do but only to a limited degree (soft limits). These will be respected. If you want to try something new and be taken gently, in baby steps, you will be. Domination and submission are about nurturing and growth, and you will learn new things about yourself and what you can do. This means that once you have found someone you click with, you may want to visit them again, maybe become a regular client, allowing them to get to know you and what makes you tick.
If you are new to BDSM you may, of course, not know what you might enjoy. If this is the case, say so. Dominatrices enjoy seeing (often nervous) newbies and introducing them to the joys and pleasures of BDSM. They are good at planning introductory sessions where you can try a few different things to help you discover what you might enjoy exploring further. Your dominatrix wants you to enjoy your time with her. She will very probably want to see you again, to be your guide, to help you on your journey.
I also have to talk about money. This is professional domination, and we need to be clear: it doesn’t come cheap. Nor should it. A good dominatrix has an unusual and complex set of skills. She will also have a well-equipped play space or dungeon, with good quality furniture and equipment, as well as a range of fetish clothing. The upfront costs of setting up as a dominatrix are significant. How much you pay depends on where you are. Rates are higher in London, for example. Outside London, you can expect to pay £150 to £200 per hour. Bear in mind that a one-hour session might be four hours’ work for the lady. Taking into account planning and preparation, the post-session debrief, usually over a cup of tea, and cleaning up after you have left. Seen in this light, the rates charged by the majority of dominatrices are far from extortionate. They don’t do the job to get rich. They genuinely love what they do and are looking to make a comfortable living doing it. In doing so, they make kink accessible to people who don’t want or are unable to seek play partners on the lifestyle fetish scene.
Visiting my Mistress works for me. I see her as often as my busy schedule and finances allow, which is usually two or three times a year. In between sessions, we email occasionally, and I send her poems she has inspired. I have scratched an itch that I needed to scratch and learned things about myself. Submission gives me inner peace. No pro domme is a therapist despite what you sometimes read, but a well-planned session can be therapeutic. More than that, I think that my journey of self-discovery has made me a better person. I hope that my own submissives and their pale white bottoms will get to feel the benefit of that.
