I’ve wanted to kiss girls for about 30 years. But as I also wanted to kiss boys and that’s what was expected of me, that is exactly what I did.
Boyfriends in my teens, one long term relationship, then a year of fun fucking anything with a cock, before I met my husband. Yet I’ve always had girl crushes, but never felt I could explore them or kiss them, until now.
I’m among a growing number of middle-aged (40+) women who are discovering new sides to their sexuality. But why have we waited until now to push these personal boundaries?
Could it be that for Generation X, ‘coming out’ as homosexual was such a big issue that being bi or pansexual was never even discussed? Perhaps it was easier for me to identify as straight because I knew I wasn’t a lesbian.
Maybe it was from lack of confidence as a teenager or student. But as someone who was known to say to men at parties ‘fancy a fuck?’ I don’t think that was strictly true. Yet the thought of asking the same thing, or even flirting with women when I was younger gripped me with utter fear but filled my dreams and fantasies. At that time, I would never have known if a woman was bisexual, lesbian or open to offers so I never did anything about it.
The main reason probably is confidence. Both body confidence and sexual confidence to feel comfortable with what I really want. I’ve loved sex and have had an active and happy sex life since I was 16, but it’s only in the last 6 or so years have I really felt comfortable and confident to explore my sexuality fully. As a kinky individual who likes to dabble in some BDSM the conversations around experimenting and trying new things are much easier now because I feel so much more confident in my own skin. I even feel more settled in my position in my family and society.
from the film PRETTY IN PINK
So when I was visiting a good female friend a couple of years ago and the gin had been flowing and the hands started wandering it wasn’t a giant leap to ask her if she wanted something sexual, some passionate kissing sex. She was also new to the situation and through lots of smiles and giggles, we were delighted to find out all the similarities and differences between our bodies and sexual preferences. We ended up finding and teasing delicious orgasms from each other with our fingers and tongues.
I’m in the fabulous position of having a husband who has not only been alright with me exploring my bisexual side but has encouraged me, and we’ve gone on this adventure together.
So how did you go about finding like-minded women to kiss and play with?
Online is a great place to start, lots of dating apps now have options for people who are exploring different sexualities, and different ways of having non-monogamous relationships too. It feels like a safe way to manage the window-shopping situations of finding people you fancy. Although online dating isn’t for everyone it definitely is top of the list for meeting new people for relationships these days.
I used my social media friendship groups initially. As a kinky photographer blogger, I’ve met some really interesting, sexually aware, body-positive, open and honest people. They have made me feel sexually liberated enough to ask and organise explicit encounters. I’ve finally found I can flirt, with women on twitter. It’s been an amazing place for me making friends and sending slightly suggestive comments that get liked and replied too. These, in turn, can lead to some DMs, swapping of ideas, photos and even video clips.
There is the organisation, Skirt Club, where members can attend sex parties with other women and explore lesbian pleasure. Safe, relaxed but organised events where being inexperienced isn’t an issue and hosts guide the evening and activities making sure everyone feels included.
The highlight of my explorations has been how amazing it is to play with other women’s bodies. The softness of the lips and their sensual kisses. The silky smoothness of the curves you find on women makes it such a different situation to having sex with men. Snuggling up against a warm welcoming woman feels so different, and other people’s boobs are brilliant. It’s also easier to know what feels nice, but as we are all different finding those differences during play is so exciting. One woman, in particular, taught me that I liked to be bitten! I will never forget the feeling of her teeth making short, sharp nips on my inner thigh.
from the film DOUBLE ENDED
There is also a real joy in giving a woman pleasure particularly in a way she hasn’t had before. For example, I have a favourite glass dildo that is rather bumpy and not only does it make a fabulous noise when used in a wet cunt it can produce delicious orgasms. Using that toy on women who have never tried a glass dildo or one that shape, and making them cum, is such a massive turn on.
I was curious to find out how different women’s cunts taste. I thought we’d all be more contrasting, but really we are all quite enticingly similar. Sometimes a touch sweeter, or spicier. I know my taste differs during my cycle so perhaps that’s really the only difference.
But aren’t you more self-conscious about your body when with a woman?
from the film FLASH OF RED
Well, actually no. I’ve been with people who are slimmer and fitter, curvier, taller, shorter, with bigger boobs and smaller boobs. The one thing they have all made me feel is sexy and desirable. A compliment from a beautiful woman in some ways feels more sincere. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, and I’ll be honest, now I sleep with women, I do spend more care and attention on keeping my muff trimmed and my legs smooth. I don’t think anyone else really cares but I’m more aware of this. Maybe I just want to feel as good as they do.
Top tips for your first time of kissing or being intimate with a woman
Flirt online and arouse each other’s sexual interest
Use slightly more suggestive comments or compliments.
In real life when you meet
Make good eye contact, smiles and fleeting gentle physical contact. Be brave and always be honest,it makes everything else easier.
Touch and gently offer physical contact
Offer a neck massage or a foot rub. Ease into the physical contact, always checking if it’s ok and if they’d like a bit more, even offer a cuddle. Gentle stroking in a cuddle can be a perfect way to initiate more intimate contact.
Kiss gently and sensually first
Ask if you can kiss them. Or maybe offer little butterfly kisses on their neck and check if that’s ok first, moving up to their lips. Gentle kisses on a hand and wrist first may feel like a safer way to move towards a full-blown French kiss and erotic kissing.
Fingers at the ready to explore wet cunts
If everything is moving on nicely, you’ll probably want to start touching each other all over. Be confident and explore. Don’t forget to ask, not just for permission but if things feel good and whether they want more. Breasts and nipples can be amazingly sensitive as well as fun to play with. Slippery cunts even more so, but make sure you have short smooth nails at least on one or two fingers of your dominant hand.
Oral pleasure to explore
“I want to taste you” has always been my way of requesting giving her oral. Finding out what they enjoy while I’m doing it is great as it’s different for everyone. I usually start with what I like and work on from there. Adding one or two fingers at the same time is pretty efficacious too.
Talk and enjoy the opportunity for honesty
Don’t forget to discuss everything. It’s a journey for both of you so make sure you ask for directions before, during and afterwards. Some of my most eye-opening comments have come a day or two later when someone has let me know what they’d particularly enjoyed and why.
Enjoy your time together, it’s exciting
Because that’s the whole reason you’re there! Be sure to savour the moment and share the excitement of a new experience together.