I’m face down on the bed. My breathing quickens, my heartbeat thuds in my chest almost bouncing me off the mattress. He rubs the skin on my buttocks firmly and says,
“I’m going to get straight down to business, if you agree?”
I nod hardly able to speak. He tells me I will receive three strikes with the cane I’ve chosen from his arsenal. We have already discussed my previous level of experience, pain threshold and what I want. I’m ready for this.
I’ve certainly progressed from my beginning forays into erotic spanking; here is a man who is an experienced dom, not a professional no, but serious about his art. I’m eager to find out what he will do.
I hear his masterful voice;
“Breath in and hold.”
Slowly, methodically he taps my ass gently but seriously with the cane. It feels good. He then commands;
“Breathe out.”
I exhale all the way. But before I’m ready a sharp loud thwack! lands strongly across my buttocks. It’s intense, shocking. I experience a slight black-out which is immediately followed by a huge rush of pain; a blast of consciousness washing over me as I inhale deeply and feel the next hit.
This is insanely painful, almost unbearable but so thrilling.
“Be silent.” he tells me.
My inner voice reassures me.
Go with it, don’t fight this.
I exhale, maintaining control. He tells me to keep breathing and I grip the sheet in my fist, burying my face into it, the rough cotton grazes my cheek. I notice a tiny delicate flower pattern and focus intently on it.
The torture is extreme. Yes, that’s true, but it will be over soon. I will surely have an exciting red welt to show for my bravery.
I become flushed, crimson heat travels up my neck to my face. There is growing wetness between my legs, I grind heavily into the bed. An audible moan escapes my lips as the last heavy strike of the cane lands.
He is skilled, calculating, precise about where he directs his impact. I enjoy the strong sense of control he exudes; feeling safe in his hands, I have permission to let go and journey into this exquisite agony.
The sting leaves me stunned, breathless but also conversely full of warmth as I’m flooded with endorphins (inner dolphins I lovingly call them) the body’s natural pain relief.
His eyes are on me. I get off on being observed in my absolute moment of defencelessness. Equally, I am empowered, knowing I have chosen to let this happen, I am in control, despite my vulnerability. This is not a dynamic that is well understood by most people when it comes to BDSM and impact play, it’s a delicate balance and interplay of emotions. Many people I have spoken to find it to be a form of release, which I relate to—I find it exciting, exhilarating and freeing.
He strokes my ass, rubbing the heated areas where welts are forming.
I bask in the glorious high washing over me, I feel happy, fulfilled. This lasts for several long minutes and I’m purposefully speechless to help prolong this blissed-out heaven.
Gradually the dynamic returns to normal and we sit and chat in a relaxed and comfortable way, knowing that something special has just taken place.
I ask him to take photographs of my ass, so I can see the wonderful bright red cane-shaped marks taking pride of place on my derrière. I’m delighted and turned on when I feel my skin is raised and tender from the erotic spanking.
I have learned something new from this experience and look forward to the future possibilities of exploring and enduring pain as pleasure…
Why is an erotic spanking such a turn on?
Let’s think about the mechanics for a moment—a good hard erotic spanking on the ass stimulates the blood flow to the bottom as well as your sex organs. When we experience pain, our brain releases a natural analgesia which can become almost addictive. So, it isn’t too surprising that so many people find it a turn on.
There is also the whole complex issue of how it kindles desire in the mind and awakens taboo fantasies. Yet it remains pretty unmentionable in mainstream circles, often judged inaccurately as an abuse of power. Given the historical laws which gave men the right to whip their wives, this is hardly surprising.
Spanking has existed as a reprimand for children and adults for centuries. Physical punishment was widely used until recently as a method for dealing with misdemeanours. I was given the belt at school in the seventies when this was still considered an acceptable form of behaviour management. Admittedly it was across the hand rather than my derrière, but I do remember it, vividly. The thrill of the sting and the sense of achievement for tolerating it without crying in front of my peers has stayed with me—I’m not ashamed that these feelings turn me on.
I’ve also pondered my desire for a man to inflict physical pain on me in the context of women’s liberation, feminism and the Me-too movement. I understand that this poses a huge dichotomy for some; why would one willingly ask a man, or woman come to think of it, to cause you pain, spank or beat you with some sort of implement? The psychology of BDSM is a huge topic and I’m not going to do it justice here, suffice to say everyone has their own reasons and motivations to explore and play with.
Personally, I get a huge thrill from giving in, submitting to someone, trusting them to take me on an exhilarating journey to my own world of escapism, fantasy and ultimately release. It’s arguably better than any drug; the trance-like euphoric state you can reach is incredible as the rush of endorphins hits you in waves.
The ideal scenario for me is when the pain is interspersed with pleasure; this doesn’t have to be sexual touching but a kiss, caress, light stroke anywhere on the body when you are already in this heightened state can drive you wild. The whole body is an erogenous zone don’t forget.
And the anticipation! Oh, my goodness! You lie—perhaps blindfolded—waiting to feel what they will do to you next. You tingle from head to toe. A pregnant pause between touches is so powerful; is it going to hurt? Where will you feel it? Soft, hard, stinging, tickling, sharp, dragging, heavy, light… all the possibilities tease your mind. The thrilling sound of the impact on your skin also feeds your senses, every sensory nerve is heightened and on alert.
Are you brave enough to welcome these scenarios into your life?
The use of role-play was a game-changer for me. I can leave aside any feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment in exploring something new, take on a persona and hide behind the playfulness of it. Now I’m a naughty nurse seducing her patient (yes, I have the uniform), a mischievous schoolgirl who needs to be punished with some erotic spanking for kissing boys or an untidy secretary being corrected for sloppy work. Use your imagination and be creative, it’s so much fun.
For some, the desire and thrill of impact play is separate from the sex act, personally, it’s very much a part of my erotic desire and the escalation of sexual pleasure.
Telling your partner that you yearn for an erotic spanking can feel daunting, but help is out there. Be brave and use porn, literature, erotic sex videos or simply by testing the waters and asking. Read this article and others on how to enjoy a sexy spanking! You might be pleasantly surprised by their response, be brave and ask for what you want.
It’s sensible to talk it through first so you and your partner both know where any hard lines are and to establish those which can be pushed. These preliminary conversations to set boundaries are essential to make sure there is no abuse of power either.
It’s crucial to agree on a safe word or gesture that you can both employ to have time out or stop at any time. With a trusted partner who is good at reading my responses and signals, I have never had to use my safe word, but it is there to ensure your safety, security and enjoyment. Much is written on this subject. Simply google BDSM guidelines to ensure you are tooled up to safely engage in impact play.
I’m usually on the receiving end of erotic spanking, but what’s it like for the giver? My best friend who is usually dominant shared a few interesting perspectives. She gets aroused seeing the marks she’s created on someone’s skin, either by a hand or implement such as a paddle or cane. Using a bare hand however provides a connection to the person in the moment, and through feeling the pain and heat on her palm it becomes a shared experience.
There is an obvious power dynamic that the giver has—knowing the receiver has submitted to them, is trusting them.
“It’s a huge honour and responsibility,” she says. “But the power is actually in the hands of the submissive, as they are the ones who can say stop at any time.”
How to find out more
You may decide to visit a club, fetish or swinger event and ask the organisers, many will have a House Dom who you can try out or they will be able to advise you.
Another way to gain introductions to this world is to go to a ‘munch’ or meetup, to find like-minded individuals.
BDSM Dating sites may be another way, following all the usual safety precautions and being especially wary of those who say they are more experienced than they are and use the promise of a BDSM experience to obtain sex.
You could decide, like Chloe in the Ball Gag story to pay a visit to a Pro-Dom. Do your research well and discuss upfront the costs, safety, boundaries, space, equipment and your needs to find the right person for you. Be safe.
Happy Spanking!