Forecasting predicts that by 2028, over 450 million people will be accessing online dating platforms to find love. As it stands, there are approximately 390 million users currently using websites and apps. So, it would appear that if you do want to date with the hope of finding love or just for a bit of fun, one of the best ways of doing so is by jumping online.
Access to hundreds of dating apps and sites is quite literally just a few taps and swipes away. The reality of this can be overwhelming. Wondering how best to navigate the online dating space is a legitimate concern, and wading through all the options and ensuring the sites you do sign up to align with your overall aims and intentions can be anxiety-inducing.
Before nose-diving into the pool of the unknown, it would be worth exploring what you are genuinely looking for. Be clear on what you want. List the things that you are prepared to compromise on and those that are non-negotiable. Fully understanding your intentions could prevent a lot of time wasting, headaches, and potential letdown. You should only ever be you, putting yourself out there and going on dates with individuals who tick all the necessary boxes – otherwise, what’s the point?
Online dating advice
There are a few ways to keep your online dating experience as simple and effective as possible.
Firstly, only opt for a few sites at a time. This dating terms guide might help you narrow it down. Overloading your plate with tens of associated apps could cause you confusion and a lot of time wasting. Using apps requires commitment, so trying to work with too many may result in you missing out on a great potential. Dating online (or otherwise) can also leave you feeling vulnerable. If you are constantly swiping through loads of platforms and not getting the results that you hoped for, your confidence could take a knock, and your self-esteem may be lowered. After doing your research, selecting two or three is likely the most productive way to proceed.
Secondly, limit the time that you actually use the apps. Allocate specific days’ slots for active searching and sending or receiving messages. It’s also worth switching notifications to silent; that way, when you have already been online, the constant pings will not encourage you to spend more time on them than perhaps you should.
Thirdly, I need to know when to cut off conversations. It’s easy to become addicted to the attention apps can give, especially if you’ve been single for a while. Learn how to recognise when a chat has potential or if it’s simply just small talk. This will, again, save you time and energy in the long run.
Dating terms you should know
Once you’ve figured out what you want and the apps you believe you may find it on, the next step is navigating the space. To know whether the red flags you identified whilst being love bombed by someone with a lot of rizz takes some skill, at least to understand how that all translates! Knowing certain dating terms, what they mean and how to apply them could be a huge help. There are lots of dating terms out there, but here are a handful that are definitely worth knowing.
Benching
A cheeky term used in the same way you would use it in the context of sports. Benching is when a person consciously puts someone that they’ve been talking to aside so they can date other people and explore other potentials. A person is usually ‘placed on the bench’ as a result of doing something to annoy or irritate the ‘bencher’. Once the annoyance has passed, the ‘benchee’ may be allowed to ‘come off the bench’!
Breadcrumbing
When an individual consciously or subconsciously manipulates another by pretending to show interest. A classic way to ‘breadcrumb’ is to constantly check in with the other person, act like they are genuinely interested, and float the prospect of something more, such as a date or relationship, but never actually follow through.
Born-again dater
When you’ve not dated in a while and are a newbie all over again, you may be considered a born-again dater. Everything feels brand-new; what you thought you knew no longer exists, but instead, there are a billion other rules and things that you need to consider. You quite literally feel born again!
Catfishing
When an individual uses fake pictures and/or videos to pretend to be someone else to entice another into a relationship with them. Catfishing is such a big thing and has varying extremes. In fact, it became a ‘normal’ thing to have to contend with whilst online dating, even whole TV shows have been successfully made based on this practice.
Cuffing/cuffed
You’ve probably heard of cuffing season right? Well, the dating term ‘cuffing’ is literally derived from the word handcuffs! The overall aim (for most) of dating is to get cuffed eventually. Cuffing season is typically thought to be during the colder months of the year based on the idea that it’s more fun dating and being available to meet new people during the warmer months. Cuffing usually refers to when an individual is ‘cuffed’ or tied to another. In other words, being in a relationship.
Cushioning
Being ‘cushioned’ simply means you are a backup option!
Cushioning is the act of entertaining as many other individuals as a person may like but maintaining ‘cushions’ just in case their intentions amount to nothing.
DTR
This acronym means: define the relationship. An individual may drop this term into a conversation after they have been in the talking phase for some time and feelings are beginning to creep in.
Eclipsing
This is when someone pretends to share similar interests with the person they’re trying to get with in an attempt to appear more compatible. It’s a bit like catfishing in that it is deception and luring the recipient in under a false pretence.
ENM
This is an acronym for ethical non-monogamy.
Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship or situation where the individuals involved are not exclusive to one another. An ENM relationship usually takes the form of an open or polyamorous set-up. However, it could even include swinging. The main point is that everybody involved is clear on the boundaries set.
Fizzling
This refers to when an individual wants to cut communication with another but does so gradually in a slow and sneaky kind of way. The keyword here is sneaky. Rather than being upfront with their feelings, it’s all done slyly.
The relationship does eventually fizzle out, hence the term fizzling.
Gaslighting
This is a dating term worth familiarising yourself with because, unfortunately, it’s common practice in the dating arena. Whilst gaslighting is not exclusive to the dating scene, it most certainly happens there. In a nutshell, gaslighting is when someone psychologically manipulates another to the point where the person being manipulated starts to question their sanity.
Ghosting
Sadly, this is another common occurrence in the dating scene. Ghosting is when an individual ceases contact without letting the other person know why. There are many reasons why someone may ghost, but in the context of dating, it’s usually because they’re either too cowardly to let the other person know they no longer want to continue communicating, their interests lie elsewhere for the time being, or they’ve lost interest.
Love bombing
When an individual bombards another with affection in an attempt to get their attention. It is important to be able to see when love bombing is taking place, as being shown a lot of interest and receiving compliments should not automatically be presumed as sinister.
Masterdating
When you make the decision to actively date yourself, you do so by going on typically traditional dates, such as dining in restaurants alone.
Orbiting
This dating term is used to describe the behaviour of an individual who manages to remain present in your life mainly through social media. It’s usually an ex or someone that you have been intimate with.
Paperclipping
Not only applies when you’re dating. In fact, it’s probably more of a dating term that can be used to describe the type of behaviour after a relationship has broken down. However, it is still applicable in the dating space. Paperclipping is when an ex intermittently pops up, asks random questions and tries to engage with you just for the sake of maintaining contact. There is no other reason for the contact other than to keep you in line as an option. Someone who paperclips in the dating world, is someone that you may have been speaking to or may have even dated that now doesn’t really show much interest other than random messages once every month, for example.
Red flag
Simply put, these are warning signs. Red flags could be patterns of behaviour or specific traits that indicate potential issues in a relationship, such as manipulative behaviour, a lack of respect and/or commitment issues.
Rizz
It is deriving directly from the word charisma! If someone has rizz this means that they have the gift of the gab when it comes to being able to charm someone they are interested in.
Situationship
A (usually) messy sexual or romantic relationship that has never been clearly defined. Situationships tend to occur in the early stages of dating when feelings are beginning to develop but neither party feels able to broach the subject and question the status of the relationship.
Sneaky link
Sneak link term is pretty much what it says on the packet!
A sneaky link is a secret sexual or romantic relationship. It could be a situationship, or it could just be a hook up!
Zombie-ing
This is when someone who has previously ghosted you or ceased all contact without any explanation decides to resurrect themselves and attempt to re-insert themselves into your life. Similar to ghosting, an individual that zombies another may do so for a few reasons. The main ones being: genuine regret for all of their actions, curiosity and/or because ofloneliness.
Dating terms conclusion…
So, as you can see, there’s quite a few terms to mull over. One could potentially be catfished by a born-again dater, that may have several red flags worthy of noting. That potential could spend a considerable amount of time love bombing you only then to gaslight you because you’re not doing what they want you to do or saying what they want you to say. If they realise their rizz is not getting them far very quickly, they may eclipse you only to then bench you, ghost you and then subject you to some zombie-ing!
Phew! It’s a lot, isn’t it?
The main thing to remember is, a lot of these dating terms are just fancy and somewhat entertaining ways of referring to things we already know. Understanding them is probably more important than being able to use them, so, no need to feel obligated to incorporate any of these terms into chats or conversations you may be having while dating.
Moreover, when dating it’s crucial you always put your emotional and psychological well-being first. Set your boundaries, take your time with things, stay true to yourself and avoid over-investing in anything too early on. Always acknowledge those red flags, practice self-care, listen to your gut (it is literally your best mate) and know when to exit unhealthy situations.